Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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