she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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