I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
