Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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