Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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