farters have to be the big spoon...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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