There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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