Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
