Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
