I bet he comes in French.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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