Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
