i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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