you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
