I heard we made out
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
