Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
