I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
