Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
