I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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