I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
