im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize