Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize