I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
