I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
