No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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