i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
