I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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