Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
