We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
