your thong is hanging out like whoa
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
