it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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