I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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