no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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