i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
