I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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