Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
