I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
