I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
As shirtless as possible
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
