Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
