Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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