No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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