Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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