So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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