i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
