If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
