I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
