Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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