College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
