i jhust puked up my retainher.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
