I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
