My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
