AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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