Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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