Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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