my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
