i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
