Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
