I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
