how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
