I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
