Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
