She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize