U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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