Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
