I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
