You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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