i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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