I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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