mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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