Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
