Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
