real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
