My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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