I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
