did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
