You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Couch. On fire.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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