party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
