just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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