i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
