I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize