I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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