Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
