she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
