she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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