Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
