Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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