This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm bleeding and have questions
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
