After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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