It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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