I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
