so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
