his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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