I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
