dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Houston, we have a blender
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
