I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
