She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
