i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They have beer where we have blood.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize